Christmas Wishes

I’m dreaming of a white Christmas…

(…and a red mini Santa dress over my impossibly tiny waist.)

Just like the ones I used to know… Where the treetops glisten…

(…and the tree goes down for the count!)

And children listen… to hear sleigh bells in the snow…

(trust me, those aren’t sleigh bells in their diapers…)

Happy Monday, and Merry Christmas!

Thirteen Days of Christmas

It’s like the Twelve Days Of Christmas, only better!!  I’ve been thinking about thirteen gifts I’ve been given this year.  Though they’re not accurate in quantity, like the song, (and in no particular order either!)I”m still gonna count them down like they were.  Feel free to sing along!

(On the thirteenth day of Christmas my true love gave to meeee…)

13. A job–even after all the budget woes here, I still have a job that I love.

12.  Christmas with my parents and son this year–I think it’s been at least 12 years since I was “home” for Christmas.

11.  Jobs that Son can do now–he’s old enough, strong enough, tall enough, etc…

10.  Feet of garden–I had some of the best veggies this year ever!

9.  Gray hairs–actually more like 900!  But I look on them like awards for living, learning and growing.

8.  Sturdy Fenceposts–that hold up one awesome fence put in by The Man!

7.  Days a week–of love.  Love love love love love love love!  (The Man is amazing.  Period.)

6.  Classes finished–plus two workshops, huzzah!  I’m almost done!

5.  New recipes I learned that totally rock!  (I’ll share them soon…)

4.   Big projects finished (the tub, the fence and two storm doors)

3.  Super Pets (Bart, Edd and Midnight!)

2.  Awesome people that make life worth living–Son and The Man (both most coolest of dudes)

1.  …and a happy home in O-Hiiii-OOOO!

What gifts have you been given?  And can you put them in a ridiculous song?

Big Love Christmas

Wife and Daughter #1 (sharing that genetic ‘deer-in-headlights’ expression)

…aaaand Wife, Son and Daughter #2.  Wife 2 looks pretty smug.  She either a) is totally clueless that he has a whole other life with a whole other family in a whole other book, or b) totally bitch-slapped Wife 1 not five minutes ago.  Either way, she’s having a Merry Freaking Christmas, people!!

Happy Monday!

My Dream House

Don’t get me wrong:  I am still in love with my little house.  However, now that I have been a homeowner for a year and a half, I have discovered things that I truly appreciate–and things I wish I had.  For example:

1.  Baseboard heat.  I currently have forced air, which, aside from the two closest vents (which are in the least useful rooms, naturally), is not “forced” by a long shot.  More like drifting.  In my dream house I would have hot water baseboards.  Or maybe, if I were rich, radiant heat.  Imagine having warm floors all winter long.

2.  A walk-up attic.  This is actually pretty cool.  You can store things on the “steps” if you want, and it’s very easy access.  However, there is a drawback of a large, open hole which allows the cold to seep down into the house, which leads me to the next item…

3.  A properly insulated attic.  Mine is only fair at this point.  I plan to close off the majority of the hole and add another layer of insulation up there.  Unfortunately, it’s also going to be cold as f*** the next few days here, so I’ll be kicking myself the whole time, wishing I’d done it sooner.

4.  High and dry.  I currently reside on the highest ground in my neighborhood.  My basement never has water–the sump pump isn’t even plugged in.  The last place I lived, the sump pump ran all year.  Give me high ground any day!

5.  An automatic garage door opener.  Currently I don’t have one.  It’s not a big deal in July.  In January, however, I’ll be wishing like hell for one.

6.  Good storm doors.  I just replaced mine (merry christmas to me!) and not only do they help with cutting drafts, but they make the outside of my house look so much nicer!  It’s like my house had a facelift!

7.  One story.  I’m torn on this one.  A single story is convenient, for sure.  But I would definitely take an upstairs area in my dream house, even if it was just for guest rooms or an office.

8.  Wide windowsills.  My kitties appreciate this no end.  Bird watching is a national sport in my house.

9.  Solar panels.  To go along with my no-gas dream house, a few solar panels would be nice.  A hefty investment at first, but I’d sure love seeing those minimal utility bills.  I saw a thing on TV once where this couple installed 8 panels–and they were actually being credited by the electric company because their solar power was “giving back.”  Pretty cool.

10.  Kitchen size.  My kitchen is about 8×8.  I make it work, but man!  My dream house kitchen will be MUCH larger.

11.  A front porch.  Come on, you gotta watch your neighbors!  I’m getting a deck next summer.  Can’t wait!

12.  A yard.  I love having my own grass, my own garden, my own space.  It’s awesome.

13.  Storage.  As small as this house is, it has lots of storage, for which I am profoundly grateful.  Every dream house should have lots and lots of storage.

How about you?  What would/should/does your dream house have?

Christmas Non-Snarky Cuteness

Everybody ready?  All together now:

AWWW!  Isn’t he cute??

(and I am so not talking about Dr. Romano.)

Happy Monday!

Dear Santa…

“Okay, how do I say this?  Thank you very much for sending me a nice fella for Christmas.  He’s tall dark and handsome and he sure knows how to ice skate!  It’s fun when he lands those triple axels–and even funnier when he doesn’t!  But I think you may have confused my letter with someone else’s (or maybe you had one too many eggnogs and don’t give a rat’s ass about now), because all I really wanted was a coat.”

Happy Monday!

I May Be Addicted To Black Friday

No, not the movie.  The shopping day.

I tell you, I looked at all the ads Thanksgiving night, and I saw a couple of things that made me go “hmm.”  Then after I got my oil changed in my car Friday morning, I thought, “Why not stop by Ollies(a regional discount/overstock center) for a minute?

Twenty minutes later, I had a bag full of gifty stuff and the shopping itch officially started.  Next I went to Bed Bath & Beyond, found stuff there, then hit JcPenney and Sears–SCORE!  Then I went home, took a nap, started to write this post then went back out to Target and found some awesome stuff.

The deals were good.  The parking was okay.  Best of all, there were sales clerks everywhere.  It’s probably the only day of the year when you can find a clerk at every station, just in case.

How about you?  Any Black Friday addicts out there?

It’s the most wonderful time of the year

For product flogging!

Oh yes, Christmas shopping season is practically upon us, with traffic jams at the mall, old ladies arm-wrestling over baked hams in the deli case…

…and hanging up Christmas lights.

What?  It’s not your favorite thing to do? Stringing lights all over your eaves and trees turns you off, does it?  Afraid of heights, ya baby???  Well, here at StarvingWriteNow I am thinking of YOU this year!  I discovered a handy little product that made my life–as I stand in the heights-challenged ranks of those unwilling to climb ladders or walk on roofs (It’s freaking STEEP up there!!)–six thousand times better.  I present:

…the “St Nick’s Choice” No Ladder Light Hanging Kit.  Retail $19.95 for the starter kit at Target, which includes a telescoping pole that reaches up to 11 feet, 25 gutter/shingle clips, and an adaptor for hanging lights in trees.

The end of the pole is threaded, like a broom handle.  So are the clips.  You screw on a clip, feed it onto your light and clip it over your gutter.  (And you can flip the clips around and use them on shingles too. )  Unscrew the pole from the clip and move on to the next one.  Bing, bang, boom.

I kid you not.  It works, it’s easy!  I had my roofline done (single story with one peak) in under an hour.  No ladders to mess with or move around… I did it all from the ground.  Sure, the learning curve took a minute or two, but once I got the hang of it (read: coordinated!) I was clipping like a madwoman!

For me this is a totally worthwhile investment.  Huzzah for St. Nick’s Choice!

Gahh!! Humbug!

How romantic!  Lord Humbug is proposing to–or propositioning–Sweetheart here (who’s wearing Fiona’s dress from Shrek) while the ghost of Great-great-great-great Grandaddy JimBob gives his blessing as he floats on the wall.  Because, spirit or not, he has no legs due to that freak farming accident that cost him his life, and he can’t walk around and haunt people like a regular ghost.  I wonder if he knows Jacob Marley?

Happy Monday, everybody!

Thirteen Holiday Foods

Well, it’s a dreary morning over here in StarvingLand.  But one of my favorite days of the year–Thanksgiving!–is coming soon and I’m gearing up for all sorts of eating festivities.  So I thought this would be a nice break back into the “13″ mode.  And really, what’s better to talk about than holiday food?  So for your reading pleasure I’ve compiled a list of holiday items that, generally speaking, you don’t eat–or find!–much any other time of year:

1. Cranberries. Sure, the canned stuff is available, but you don’t see actual cranberries on the shelf much outside of November and December.  Has anyone ever made a cranberry chain?

2.  Pumpkin pie. Pumpkin pie totally rocks, IMO.  But I never eat it outside of this time of year.

3.  Eggnog. I think I actually liked this as a kid.  Now I’m afraid to try it.  Do any of youall like it?  Do any of you make it homemade?

4.  Green Bean Casserole. Another super-simple dish that is pretty darn good, but I never eat it outside of the holidays.

5.  Flavored Coffee Creamer. I personally don’t use this, but I’m amazed at the plethora of flavor options this time of year.

6.  Stuffing mix in the bag.  Seriously!  You don’t see bagged stuffing around here except in November–the whole rest of the time it’s Stove Top or nothing.

7.  Ribbon Candy. Almost too pretty to eat.

8.  Peppermint flavored everything. Like ice cream, and peppermint bark–how come they just come out now?

9.  Fruitcake. I know.  NOBODY wants this outside of the holidays, if at all.  I had a recipe once for a homemade version that wasn’t bad–but it didn’t have ten quarts of booze and those weird green cherries in it either.

10.  Bulk unshelled nuts. What is it with nuts and the holidays?  Are people too lazy to crack their own any other time of year?

11.  Chocolate Oranges. Yes, you can get orange-flavored chocolate any time.  But to have the actual orange shape that you have to whack on the counter and it falls apart into those little segments… heaven!

12.  Sweet potatoes and Marshmallow Fluff in the same dish. I have never understood this.  Sweet potatoes are lovely, and marshmallows are too.  But not together.  Eeuww!

13.  Abnormally large frozen birds. There was a 23-pound turkey in the freezer case at my local store.  Holy F***!  I can’t even imagine that thing walking around!  He would have stood higher than my knees!

Can you think of more?  Share in comments!